English is not my main language, french is. I'm already trying to write a novel in french, but why not trying to write something funny in english.
Our main character will be our beloved Ear. He is an ESOC moderator but in the end, what he dreamed of was definitely not what he dreamed of. [insert the Cranberries song]
So here's the first chapter. Maybe it will be the only one, maybe not.
Chapter One
Twenty-fifth of January, two thousand and twenty. The man was lying in his bed, thinking for the umpteenth time of the liebing. This would certainly remain unexplained for his whole life.
He jumped out of his bed. It was eight o’clock. Time for moderating the off-topic. Also known as The Ear or as fightingfrenchman, our man was a moderator on a well-known community forum for the game Age of Empires III. One year has already passed since he finally managed to get the job. He fought a lot for it. Not because he wanted to feel powerful nor anything else like that. No. The Ear just wanted to help the place he loves to be great again. He wanted ESOC forums to be a clean, respectful and happy place.
He sighed. If only he had known how hard it would be. And if only someone had warned him about the monsters serving as leaders for ESOC. Not a lot were known about them, but they were three. A dangerous triumvirate. Edenetherlands, MeteoriteK and Dark_EAGLEMUT. The Ear thought during a long time that the story told about them were lies or exaggerations. But all the rumours were true. Retired staff members found dead… Forum members gone missing.
He slapped his own face. He needed to stay strong. In order to survive he had to do his work, in time. Being late was a promise of death. He quickly turned on the computer, opened his browser and started navigating the off-topic section. Everything was looking just fine. Everything was quiet, peaceful and calm. Too calm…
And indeed, right after he pressed the f5 on his keyboard for refreshing the page, a new topic had appeared entitled: The Truth about The Igel. That was not good at all. For a lot of reasons. The nickname being one, Dark_EAGLEMUT was hating it, and the people using it. Being hated by Dark_EAGLEMUT was definitely not something good for any user. Second reason was the “truth”. It meant that ESOC was facing a leaksh. Only staff members could leak information, Ear was knowing it and the triumvirate too. If he was not fast enough, one of them could see the topic and engage the Procedure 66. A great purge in the staff.
He jumped out of his bed. It was eight o’clock. Time for moderating the off-topic. Also known as The Ear or as fightingfrenchman, our man was a moderator on a well-known community forum for the game Age of Empires III. One year has already passed since he finally managed to get the job. He fought a lot for it. Not because he wanted to feel powerful nor anything else like that. No. The Ear just wanted to help the place he loves to be great again. He wanted ESOC forums to be a clean, respectful and happy place.
He sighed. If only he had known how hard it would be. And if only someone had warned him about the monsters serving as leaders for ESOC. Not a lot were known about them, but they were three. A dangerous triumvirate. Edenetherlands, MeteoriteK and Dark_EAGLEMUT. The Ear thought during a long time that the story told about them were lies or exaggerations. But all the rumours were true. Retired staff members found dead… Forum members gone missing.
He slapped his own face. He needed to stay strong. In order to survive he had to do his work, in time. Being late was a promise of death. He quickly turned on the computer, opened his browser and started navigating the off-topic section. Everything was looking just fine. Everything was quiet, peaceful and calm. Too calm…
And indeed, right after he pressed the f5 on his keyboard for refreshing the page, a new topic had appeared entitled: The Truth about The Igel. That was not good at all. For a lot of reasons. The nickname being one, Dark_EAGLEMUT was hating it, and the people using it. Being hated by Dark_EAGLEMUT was definitely not something good for any user. Second reason was the “truth”. It meant that ESOC was facing a leaksh. Only staff members could leak information, Ear was knowing it and the triumvirate too. If he was not fast enough, one of them could see the topic and engage the Procedure 66. A great purge in the staff.
Chapter Two
The topic had been deleted, relieved, the Ear went back to easier moderation tasks. He worked on the usual daily reports. Each day made by god, there was a hundred of reports made on ESOC. As a moderator it was Ear’s job to read them and act in consequence. Most of them were just random people complaining that ESOC’s Satan was not satanic enough and that everyone should hail the Evil Garja. Some were just weird, containing obscure messages to the staff. The last few ones were generally more interesting and real work.
He reviewed them quickly. Nothing great nor challenging this time. Even Vinynyanyeinayenayanyérë and mmmhleung had failed him this time. They were the best reporters in Ear’s top chart, but this time they did bad work.
The Ear sighed for the second time of the day. Already ten past ten. Time for morning coffee. He left his seat and went in the kitchen. The Nespresso machine was waiting for him, ready to pour the hot and brown mixture. He pressed the espresso button. Ear took the replenished cup and drank it bluntly. The break time was finished. Back to work.
He sat again in his comfortable seat and refreshed once again the forum. No new reports. But… Oh no… The topic he had deleted was back… The Truth about The Igel was mocking him. Who was that damn author, who was that fool, putting his life and Ear’s one in danger! Heavenlycheese. Why!? One of his own friends was responsible of this? Ear prayed god and delete the topic once again.
Suddenly his mobile phone rang. The ringtone was unique and specific. The one he set for Dark_EAGLEMUT. That was bad. Very bad. He jumped on his phone and answered the phone.
— Hello? said Ear.
— We know. We saw. Prepare yourself to face consequences, said a gravelly voice.
— What are you talking about, master?
— Don’t lie. We know that leakshes occurred. We don’t know who made them though. But you are all letting us no other choices. We are engaging the Procedure 66.
— …
Ear was now sweating. The phone had become a gun ready to shoot him. He threw it. The voice inside of it was still talking. Ear quickly packed some clothes in a bag, some cash, a passport and an ID made with a false identity. Ready to run away, he left his flat but not before starting a fire inside of it. Maybe this would buy him some time.
He reviewed them quickly. Nothing great nor challenging this time. Even Vinynyanyeinayenayanyérë and mmmhleung had failed him this time. They were the best reporters in Ear’s top chart, but this time they did bad work.
The Ear sighed for the second time of the day. Already ten past ten. Time for morning coffee. He left his seat and went in the kitchen. The Nespresso machine was waiting for him, ready to pour the hot and brown mixture. He pressed the espresso button. Ear took the replenished cup and drank it bluntly. The break time was finished. Back to work.
He sat again in his comfortable seat and refreshed once again the forum. No new reports. But… Oh no… The topic he had deleted was back… The Truth about The Igel was mocking him. Who was that damn author, who was that fool, putting his life and Ear’s one in danger! Heavenlycheese. Why!? One of his own friends was responsible of this? Ear prayed god and delete the topic once again.
Suddenly his mobile phone rang. The ringtone was unique and specific. The one he set for Dark_EAGLEMUT. That was bad. Very bad. He jumped on his phone and answered the phone.
— Hello? said Ear.
— We know. We saw. Prepare yourself to face consequences, said a gravelly voice.
— What are you talking about, master?
— Don’t lie. We know that leakshes occurred. We don’t know who made them though. But you are all letting us no other choices. We are engaging the Procedure 66.
— …
Ear was now sweating. The phone had become a gun ready to shoot him. He threw it. The voice inside of it was still talking. Ear quickly packed some clothes in a bag, some cash, a passport and an ID made with a false identity. Ready to run away, he left his flat but not before starting a fire inside of it. Maybe this would buy him some time.