Hi

[XeeleeFlower]

Hey everyone, I've been away for a little over a month now, but have returned. I'm going through the many many pages of threads that I have missed during this time and holy shit have you all been busy. I heard that there were some bans, some changing of staff, and some other people leaving all which depresses me, but hey what else is new.

If anyone cares, I had to take a break due to the amount of disappointment that I had in some individual's posts. I expect certain things from certain people and when people who I don't expect certain things from express those things, well, I get disappointed. Not anyone's fault but my own due to my whole placing people on pedestals thing that I love doing. Due to the amount of stress that I was already feeling from the COVID shit and then the recent protests, I was just emotionally overwhelmed.

While I've been away, my great aunt died, which was and is really difficult for me and my family. I wish I could've seen her before she died. She had cancer, but had beaten it and was her normal badass self at christmas when I saw her last. She started to feel bad a couple of months ago, went to the doctor, found out that the cancer had returned, but was now in her brain. Thought she would have more time, but she didn't.

My aunt tried to kill herself. My uncle had to break down a door and perform CPR to bring her back to life. She left a note that said nothing but do not resuscitate. No explain. No I love you's to anyone. Nothing. She was in a coma for a couple of days and they weren't sure if she was going to make it and if she did make it, if she would be permanently brain damaged. She's doing okay now and is finally talking through issues that no one knew she had with people.

It's been extremely difficult for me to not just jump on a plane back to the States, but I weighed the risks and it's just too risky. Fucking COVID.

All that to say that I've kinda been going through a really shitty time recently, which is why I've been away for so long. It's definitely been weird to not be a part of this community and I feel that I've missed a lot, but it's been needed for my own mental health. I hope everyone else has been and is doing well. Thanks for reading.

[iNcog]

-- deleted post --

[XeeleeFlower]

holy shit man



I dont have any words that would do anything justice to your post. shoot me a pm on whatsapp or discord if you feel like it, dont force it if peace is better. that's a lot to unload. I am a bad friend. wish I could have been there for you like you have for me

You're not a bad friend. No one (except GS) knew what I was/am going through because I'm terrible about reaching out. I need to be better at expressing myself, especially when I hurt.

[iNcog]

-- deleted post --

[fightinfrenchman]

Glad to see you back, this has been a particularly shitty several months for a lot of us. Glad to hear your aunt is okay

[Mr_Bramboy]

Damn .. I fear I'm not equipped to help you with this. Don't focus too much on the forum stuff; it's irrelevant on a broader scale. Take care and let's hope the rest of the year treats you better.

[gibson]

@XeeleeFlower I'm sorry to hear about your loss. Losing loved ones is one of the worst parts of being humans. Be sure that you're taking proper care of yourself, both mentally and physically.

[rsy]

Great seeing you back Xeelee! Missed your positivity around here big time.

[n0el]

<3

[Ashvin]

Hang in there X, it's a bad time but it will pass.

[duckzilla]

While I've been away, my great aunt died, which was and is really difficult for me and my family. I wish I could've seen her before she died. She had cancer, but had beaten it and was her normal badass self at christmas when I saw her last. She started to feel bad a couple of months ago, went to the doctor, found out that the cancer had returned, but was now in her brain. Thought she would have more time, but she didn't.

My aunt tried to kill herself. My uncle had to break down a door and perform CPR to bring her back to life. She left a note that said nothing but do not resuscitate. No explain. No I love you's to anyone. Nothing. She was in a coma for a couple of days and they weren't sure if she was going to make it and if she did make it, if she would be permanently brain damaged. She's doing okay now and is finally talking through issues that no one knew she had with people.

Wow these are terrible news. Sincere condolences regarding your great aunt and all the best to your aunt.
Talking is good, your aunt seems to have her own personal demons, but that does not mean that she has to fight it alone.

[Dolan]

I'm sorry to hear that.

I have to deal with someting similar in my family, my dad seems to be dying or in the last stages of his illness. And there's not much, if anything, I can do for him. Just helping my mom deal with all the stuff right now. He can't even properly walk or stand on his feet anymore. He can't feed himself anymore. Can't wash, etc. We have to do all that stuff for him now. And he can't talk either. He just stares blankly into space.

What can you do about that but just help where you can, and move on.

[deleted_user]

<3 angela

we stay strong

[XeeleeFlower]

Thanks everyone for your kind words. It's appreciated.

@Dolan I'm really sad for what you're going through right now. Thank you for sharing that part of your life with us. I hope you're taking care of yourself. I doubt you need it, but if you want/need to just vent about things, feel free to shoot me a message here or elsewhere. Hugs to you my friend.