What would you teach your children?

[Djigit]

What skills, life lessons etc. would you teach your kids? What would you do to help them develop their intelligence, creativity and tutti quanti?

Most good teachings are basic, but please no useless cliché sayings like "live your life to the fullest".
Also, be realistic; there is no way I can turn my kiddo into a G.I. Joe like Metis would.

This is heavily subjective since it's based on your personal experience or on what you know of somebody else's, so there's really no need to get mad at someone if that person wants to teach his child how to play AoE2 or Go (although it would be justified tbh ngl).

[harcha]

I would try to teach them multiple languages at very young age so that they have a leg up in life. This is not hard to do where I live.

[Dolan]

Does it matter, though. If they have any personality whatsoever they would mock and dismiss what I'd teach them, or even hate it. I don't think I learned anything important from my parents either.
I think I'd teach them to keep their teeth clean and to not choose the path of least resistance.

[fightinfrenchman]

I'd probably teach them about shitposting on ESOC, which users were "on my side" vs. which were my enemies, etc.

[XeeleeFlower]

Empathy

[fightinfrenchman]

Empathy

You seem to have missed the memo that sincere posting is cringe

[voigt1240]

Skåne is danish.

[Dolan]

Also, I'd make sure they are prepared to retake Constantinople.

[Horsemen]

I would try to teach them multiple languages at very young age so that they have a leg up in life. This is not hard to do where I live.

This and programming languages is the answer

[Dolan]

That reminds me of that mantra which was popular a few years ago when people were saying: I'm teaching my kids Chinese, because a "Chinese century" comes up next. Those parents will be so disappointed.

The thing with this kind of advice that sounds very in synch with the current times is that, by the time the kids grow up, things will have changed so much, none of your advice will be that relevant anymore and they will have to adapt to a much different situation.

[Djigit]

Does it matter, though. If they have any personality whatsoever they would mock and dismiss what I'd teach them, or even hate it. I don't think I learned anything important from my parents either.
I think I'd teach them to keep their teeth clean and to not choose the path of least resistance.

Agreed. Dental treatments are hella expensive, especially when you have sand in your teeth.

You need to demonstrate some paternal authority regardless of their personality or phase. These lil turds should receive them confucian teachings by fair means or foul.

[voigt1240]

French just might become the new chineese with all their involvement in Africa. But who knows how that will age with time.

[Dolan]

@Djigit Sure, I could do that. But this can backfire pretty badly. It depends on their personality. They could grow up hating you and doing everything to spite you.

[XeeleeFlower]

Empathy

You seem to have missed the memo that sincere posting is cringe

I'm a cringe person tbqhngl

[Amsel_]

Critical thinking is something parents should foster in their children. I'd try to make them skeptical. Give them assignments where they research an issue and give me the strongest arguments possible for both sides. If we do something, I'd ask "How do you think we should go about doing this?" so that they'd learn to plan. I'd like to read some of Plato's dialogues with them, so that they can see the process of reasoning first-hand.

Another big thing for parents is to instill a healthy environment and atmosphere. My parents screwed this up entirely; they glorified laziness, junk food, alcohol; and hated math, reading, and being ambitious. It's important to raise children who think being fit and healthy is normal. That math and reading are fun. I've never understood how so many parents can feel completely disconnected with their child's future and upbringing.

[fightinfrenchman]

Between "sand in your teeth" and "tbh ngl" this thread really shows how exposure to Basement members really rots your brain

[Dolan]

@Amsel_ Maybe that adversity is what made you what you are. If you grew up in that supportive environment you described, you would have maybe hated math and reading, just because you'd be pushed to like them.

In parents-kids relationships, I think mimicry and education only work to some extent, but not to the extent parents expect or want. All kinds of dynamics are possible, including adversarial ones.

[voigt1240]

Having an absent and alcoholic father growing up. I would say Too many prioritize chasing material things instead of spending time with the people in their life, while you still have them. Life is too short for anything else.

[Dolan]

useless cliché sayings like "live your life to the fullest".

I had a high school friend whose parents were hippies (the "live and let live" kind) who taught him to just "go out, do stuff and live life to the fullest".
He's dead now. He got into some scheme that sold drugs in clubs and got mixed up with the wrong people. He really lived the rock'n'roll life, tho lately he had a punk haircut.

[Amsel_]

@Amsel_ Maybe that adversity is what made you what you are. If you grew up in that supportive environment you described, you would have maybe hated math and reading, just because you'd be pushed to like them.

In parents-kids relationships, I think mimicry and education only work to some extent, but not to the extent parents expect or want. All kinds of dynamics are possible, including adversarial ones.

The tone with which a subject is talked about matters a lot. If something is considered negative, you want to minimize it, and put as little work as possible into that thing. But if something is positive, you're more willing to direct your energy towards it, and thus succeed. But this just lays the foundation for healthily directing one's energy to positive things.

The reward/punishment structure given to a child is a much greater source of ambiguity. Rewards might make a child associate a productive task with positivity. Punishment will make a child stop doing wrong things. You can also have states in-between the two. Punishment might make a child so terrified that he abstains from entire activities all-together. Reward structures can misfire as well. I remember when I took up reading at first it was because my mom seemed to react positively it, so I set about to become "well read." Then, some time later, my mother took me to a bookstore to see my aunt and cousin. When we left, my mother was oddly happy with me; and I found out it was because I was looking through law books they had, while my cousin and sister were looking at toys. It stoked her ego by implying that her child was better than my aunt's. This is an unhealthy sort of reward, because reading is a non-factor, all that matters is approval. This sort of thing, on a larger and more consistent scale, can create narcissists obsessed with keeping up an image of perfection.

From my perspective, you can divide parenting into the environment you create and a reward/punishment structure. We've already covered how rewards and punishments can easily misfire. But the environment you create seems to be something more decisive in helping or harming a child. It's hard to imagine a scenario wherein saying "I like sports. They're fun. But it's cool if you don't want to play sports. There's plenty of other fun things to do." is worse than saying "Eeew. Sports. Who wants to go outside and get all sweaty and tired?"

[chris1089]

Empathy

Do you think this can be taught. I think this can and should be modelled, but I have no idea how you could teach it.

[XeeleeFlower]

Empathy

Do you think this can be taught. I think this can and should be modelled, but I have no idea how you could teach it.

You teach it by showing and by discussing.

"XeeleeFlower was mean to me today"
"How was she mean?"
Child explains
"How did it make you feel?"
Child explains and you go through their feelings.
"Can you think of why she may have been mean to you?"

[chris1089]

Empathy

Do you think this can be taught. I think this can and should be modelled, but I have no idea how you could teach it.

You teach it by showing and by discussing.

"XeeleeFlower was mean to me today"
"How was she mean?"
Child explains
"How did it make you feel?"
Child explains and you go through their feelings.
"Can you think of why she may have been mean to you?"

Okay this is kind of what I thought.
Seems similar to a lot of things, where you can ask questions and guide what the child thinks about, but can't make them choose certain behaviours. I.e you can't make them empathetic but you can ask them to think about how the other person might feel which is conducive to being empathetic.

[Dolan]

@Amsel_
Yeah, some kind of reward-punishment framework can yield some results. However, I think there is also a point to the saying "the best-laid plans of mice and men oft go astray" or in plain English "things never turn out as planned".

Too often parents think they can "model" their kids into that compensating achievement that they never had. And all too often they also fail and things turn out completely different from what they were planning for.
Like, I have two cousins whose parents tried their damnedest to make their kids develop artistic talents (playing violin, drawing). Their son tried violin but he was so bad at it, people were making efforts to contain their keks. He now works in the army. And their daughter tried drawing, she went to art school for it, but she was frustrated all throughout art school, because everyone around her was natively talented and she wasn't. The only reason she tried it was because her parents pushed her since early years. She gave up art and became a child psychologist. Their parents' dreams and plans to turn their kids into artists never materialised.

[Djigit]

useless cliché sayings like "live your life to the fullest".

I had a high school friend whose parents were hippies (the "live and let live" kind) who taught him to just "go out, do stuff and live life to the fullest".
He's dead now. He got into some scheme that sold drugs in clubs and got mixed up with the wrong people. He really lived the rock'n'roll life, tho lately he had a punk haircut.

That's sad to hear. "Total freedom is what everyone should aim for" is one of the most dangerous received ideas.

There are too many harmful fallacies that I would make my kid aware of: "Novelty is progress. Don't live in the past, duuuude. You're such a boomer omagad".
The worst remains the argument to moderation. It's what I conveniently use to mediate meaningless conflicts, but it always makes things worse LUL. Now imagine when there are lives at stake and the media tries to remain "neutral".