How do u deal with rejection

rsy · Post by **rsy** » 20 Jul 2015, 01:34

So I met this girl in 6th grade and immediately fell for her. Dint know what it was at that time. Anyway she kept moving away from me at all times mostly cuz I was just the geeky guy of the class getting bullied all the time!

So I never really told her anything at the time. I grew up and came to the USA for college. After nearly 4 years of having 0 conversations, I finally talked to her on FB like a year back. We got closer, I got her phone number and we talked and chatted and shit. I also started going to the gym( got a full pack and pretty big arms and calves these days- can do 300 pushups a day) all for this one fuckin girl. And guess what for us Indians having a good body is pretty huge (i guess at least mostly).

Anyway one of these times like one month back she told me she had had a break up with this idiot. Then a week back, I was really drunk for the first time on my life on my fucking birthday and I told her that I love her. Haven't heard from her since! Been sending texts to her. Even said sorry. Said I hoped we could b friends!

So I wanna know how u guys reacted to rejection whenever u did

acergame09 · Post by **acergame09** » 20 Jul 2015, 01:59

Just tell her you are PR 30 plus and they suck my dick. No lie. I say, "Yo bitch, I play Age of Empires 3 n like whats up" Then dey suck my dick. Just follow those two steps mate n you'll be swimming in wet pussy in no time

bobabu · Post by **bobabu** » 20 Jul 2015, 02:51

rsy wrote:So I met this girl in 6th grade and immediately fell for her. Dint know what it was at that time. Anyway she kept moving away from me at all times mostly cuz I was just the geeky guy of the class getting bullied all the time!

So I never really told her anything at the time. I grew up and came to the USA for college. After nearly 4 years of having 0 conversations, I finally talked to her on FB like a year back. We got closer, I got her phone number and we talked and chatted and shit. I also started going to the gym( got a full pack and pretty big arms and calves these days- can do 300 pushups a day) all for this one fuckin girl. And guess what for us Indians having a good body is pretty huge (i guess at least mostly).

Anyway one of these times like one month back she told me she had had a break up with this idiot. Then a week back, I was really drunk for the first time on my life on my fucking birthday and I told her that I love her. Haven''t heard from her since! Been sending texts to her. Even said sorry. Said I hoped we could b friends!

So I wanna know how u guys reacted to rejection whenever u did

You shouldn''t try to stay friends with her it''s gonna eat you up. I haven''t been rejected yet but I rejected a girl. She is still texting me but I''ll never be her boyfriend. It is a deceitful hope.

purplesquid · Post by **purplesquid** » 20 Jul 2015, 03:16

bobabu wrote:
rsy wrote:So I met this girl in 6th grade and immediately fell for her. Dint know what it was at that time. Anyway she kept moving away from me at all times mostly cuz I was just the geeky guy of the class getting bullied all the time!

So I never really told her anything at the time. I grew up and came to the USA for college. After nearly 4 years of having 0 conversations, I finally talked to her on FB like a year back. We got closer, I got her phone number and we talked and chatted and shit. I also started going to the gym( got a full pack and pretty big arms and calves these days- can do 300 pushups a day) all for this one fuckin girl. And guess what for us Indians having a good body is pretty huge (i guess at least mostly).

Anyway one of these times like one month back she told me she had had a break up with this idiot. Then a week back, I was really drunk for the first time on my life on my fucking birthday and I told her that I love her. Havent heard from her since! Been sending texts to her. Even said sorry. Said I hoped we could b friends!

So I wanna know how u guys reacted to rejection whenever u did
You shouldnt try to stay friends with her its gonna eat you up. I havent been rejected yet but I rejected a girl. She is still texting me but Ill never be her boyfriend. It is a deceitful hope.

I agree with this advice. If she does not want to be friends with you anymore there is nothing that you can do to make her. As much as Im sure it hurts I would recommend just letting it go. You are only going to keep getting hurt if you try to force the issue.

On a more positive note, now that you are in better shape, other girls will be more interested in you so you have that going for you

rsy · Post by **rsy** » 20 Jul 2015, 03:17

bobabu wrote:
rsy wrote:So I met this girl in 6th grade and immediately fell for her. Dint know what it was at that time. Anyway she kept moving away from me at all times mostly cuz I was just the geeky guy of the class getting bullied all the time!

So I never really told her anything at the time. I grew up and came to the USA for college. After nearly 4 years of having 0 conversations, I finally talked to her on FB like a year back. We got closer, I got her phone number and we talked and chatted and shit. I also started going to the gym( got a full pack and pretty big arms and calves these days- can do 300 pushups a day) all for this one fuckin girl. And guess what for us Indians having a good body is pretty huge (i guess at least mostly).

Anyway one of these times like one month back she told me she had had a break up with this idiot.?Then a week back, I was really drunk for the first time on my life on my fucking birthday and I told her that I love her. Havent heard from her since! Been sending texts to her. Even said sorry. Said I hoped we could b friends!

So I wanna know how u guys reacted to rejection whenever u did
You shouldnt try to stay friends with her its gonna eat you up. I havent been rejected yet but I rejected a girl. She is still texting me but Ill never be her boyfriend. It is a? deceitful hope.?

I gotta agree with u on that one bob. I should prob not b calling her/texting her. tho is so fucking hard to not look at that fucking phone every two minutes hoping for a fucking reply

Durokan · Post by **Durokan** » 20 Jul 2015, 03:19

*disclaimer this is help for coping, not for getting her back*

I saw a heard quote once that went something along the lines of, "You told her one thing about you, and she told you everything you need to know about her." IE, you opened up to her and she showed you what she is truly like. This girl may not be the girl you think she is if she treats you in such a way.

Side note, good for you for getting fit

.

purplesquid · Post by **purplesquid** » 20 Jul 2015, 03:31

drlegend wrote:So you told a childhood acquaintance that you love her over Facebook, then you pretended it was no big deal and apologized, and you wonder why you''re not in a relationship with her. Relationships are serious business and you should not be apologetic or insecure or playing games.

It sounded to me like they were at the same party he got drunk at but I could be mistaken. It also seems like they had gotten to know each other a bit better so it seems reasonable that this was something he would tell her.

I do 100% agree with you that he should not be apologetic or insecure. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You told her how you feel and if she doesn''t feel the same way that''s her problem not yours.

rsy · Post by **rsy** » 20 Jul 2015, 03:39

drlegend wrote:So you told a childhood acquaintance that you love her over Facebook, then you pretended it was no big deal and apologized, and you wonder why you''re not in a relationship with her. Relationships are serious business and you should not be apologetic or insecure or playing games.

u sick piece of shit stop giving ur trash responses b4 reading through it. And u better stay away from this thread or I''ll find u and when I do I''ll smash ur head with this fucking wine bottle I got in my hand right now

rsy · Post by **rsy** » 20 Jul 2015, 03:54

Omg I first need to get off this fucking alcohol.making me talk trash now

sadly also making me hit backspace a hundred times

deleted_user0 · Post by **deleted_user0** » 20 Jul 2015, 03:59

Dblpost

jaype22 · Post by **jaype22** » 20 Jul 2015, 04:00

I can just agree with the previous posters, being "just friends" with a person you love will destroy you in the long run.
It's the hardest at the beginning, you have to distract yourself, some like meeting friends, some prefer going to gym or do other sports, others like to play video games. But please don't start drinking now, it might help in the short run but will destroy you even more in the future.

Try to talk about your problems with persons you trust, close friends or your parents.

I know its easier said than done, but you'll go through it and feel better over time.

deleted_user0 · Post by **deleted_user0** » 20 Jul 2015, 04:36

[quote author="@rsy" source="/post/28021/thread" timestamp="1437363562"][quote source="/post/28018/thread" timestamp="1437362773" author="@drlegend"]So you told a childhood acquaintance that you love her over Facebook, then you pretended it was no big deal and apologized, and you wonder why you're not in a relationship with her. Relationships are serious business and you should not be apologetic or insecure or playing games.[/quote]u sick piece of shit stop giving ur trash responses b4 reading through it. And u better stay away from this thread or I'll find u and when I do I'll smash ur head with this fucking wine bottle I got in my hand right now[/quote]

Why react like that? Legend response might be straightforward, polarizing and unnuanced but he has a point.

People are way too influenced by hollywood/religion and have both a wrong picture of love, a misguided idea of how relationships work and an unhealthy notion of selfesteem.

In the end the answer to your question is trivial because there really isnt one, and everyone deals with rejection, loss, etc aka emotional pain in a different way. You often hear wnpty phrases such as deal with it, let it go, move on, get over it. While people dont tell you how to do it, and they cant really.

First of all, lets talk plainly. It seems like it happened recently, and maybe she just needs some time to think about a response, as legend said, its not a game. Sadly a common response to not knowing how to deal with an issue is to just ignore it, which is why she might not have responded. You should give her some time, and yourself too, and then later, if its still important to you, ask to meet her to talk about it.

What happened to you happens to everyone across the world in some form or another in one point in their lives. This is not to trivialise your experience, but it is to point out that its just part of interacting with humans. It may be a girl, it may be a relative, it may be a school or a job or someone you look up to, in the end i think the dynamic is the same. It doesnt matter that you got rejected (in the abstract sense), thats nothing to be ashamed of or feel bad about, what matters is how you react to rejection. You seem to respond by getting drunk (i guess?) and by taking the rejection personally, both very common responses.

I read a few things in your post that i see all around me everywhere i go, which i can understand to a degree, but which i find nonetheless very disturbing (not in you personal but in society or human behaviour in general). Imo, durokan had the right idea, whatever another persons opinion is of you, i think you should always remember that it doesn't neccesarily say mych if anything about you, it just says something about the other person. This doesnt mean you should ignore it, if the person means something to you, or has something you need, it might be wise to look at why they rejected you and if you agree with their conclusion, see if there is anything you could change if you wanted to.

I guess what i am trying to say is that you shouldnt let your selfesteem depend on the opinions of other people about you (both in a positive or a negative way). But this is what most people do all the time, which is why they are so sensitive to rejection, insults as well as compliments and appraisal. You said that you got into shape just for this one girl, which i find a very bad motivation, because it seems like you dont care about it yourself but just did it because you believed someone else found it important. Getting fit has practical benefits so in the end its not such a bad deal for you, but that psychological dynamic is unhealthy and its what makes many people unhappy, because basically you let someone else rule your life. And when she doesnt appreciate the effort you put in, for her after all, i think it must hurt you even more.

On a side note, looking healthy and relatively fit (you dont have to be ripped or gorgeous to get girls, even beautiful ones), is important on a practical level, because when you meet a person for the first time you will look at him/her and based upon that you will get interested or not. But in the end thats not what really matters for a relationship. I dont agree that looks dont matter, but they matter only at the beginning and they matter only superficially. In the end a person will love you for the things they like about you, despite the things they dislike.

This post is getting incoherent now so ill leave it at this

_DB_ · Post by **_DB_** » 20 Jul 2015, 05:31

Meh, I'm stuck in one-sided love. I realised:

"Playing aoe 3 is better than dating a stupid girl"

PS: It's not love, it's teen attraction, which 99% fails. You'll find your true love when you may.

iNcog · Post by **iNcog** » 20 Jul 2015, 06:13

-- deleted post --

Mr. Pecksniff · Post by **Mr. Pecksniff** » 20 Jul 2015, 06:39

rsy wrote:
drlegend wrote:So you told a childhood acquaintance that you love her over Facebook, then you pretended it was no big deal and apologized, and you wonder why youre not in a relationship with her. Relationships are serious business and you should not be apologetic or insecure or playing games.
u sick piece of shit stop giving ur trash responses b4 reading through it. And u better stay away from this thread or Ill find u and when I do Ill smash ur head with this fucking wine bottle I got in my hand right now

lmfao

goldenicon · Post by **goldenicon** » 20 Jul 2015, 08:18

The girl obviously liked u if u were messaging for so long. She would of just been shocked tht you professed your love in such a reckless way. Women often use their is ignorance as a weapon to torture us, she most likely will wait until you stop trying to apologise and giving her attention and then will message you. The quicker you stop messaging her the most likely she will message you quicker and you will also come across as if you have your own life and not a needy nerd virgin.

Good ol Ivan · Post by **Good ol Ivan** » 20 Jul 2015, 08:43

drlegend wrote:Relationships are serious business and you should not be apologetic or insecure or playing games.

We are heathens, remember?

Good ol Ivan · Post by **Good ol Ivan** » 20 Jul 2015, 08:45

also just b yurself

SoldieR · Post by **SoldieR** » 20 Jul 2015, 09:01

Dude, firstly, you gotta be able to control urself with alcohol, that text and ur response here to Dr legend are not cool man. But u said u recently was just or first time drunk, so you will need time to figure how to handle it.

Second.. don't put everything into one girl man, you really don't even know this girl, you aren't meant for her or any crap like that. Stop focusing so much on a person you may not even like when you get to know them. And definitely don't let someone you haven't seen in hooooww long hold you back from any other possible opportunities with or people, friends, or anything really.

Mr. Pecksniff · Post by **Mr. Pecksniff** » 20 Jul 2015, 10:11

bee urself and everything you could ever desire will fall into your lap

Goodspeed · Post by **Goodspeed** » 20 Jul 2015, 11:28

goldenicon wrote:The girl obviously liked u if u were messaging for so long. She would of just been shocked tht you professed your love in such a reckless way. Women often use their is ignorance as a weapon to torture us, she most likely will wait until you stop trying to apologise and giving her attention and then will message you. The quicker you stop messaging her the most likely she will message you quicker and you will also come across as if you have your own life and not a needy nerd virgin.

Dont give him false hope, how does she obviously like him?

@rsy Sounds to me like she just considered you a friend and nothing else, which is quite common. Good luck getting over her, this might help (:)) (dont dismiss it based on the premise which sounds ridiculous Ill admit)

And obviously dont make important decisions while on drugs, though thats easier said than done.

Acergames is also solid advice.

Jam · Post by **Jam** » 20 Jul 2015, 11:38

frycookofdoom wrote:bee urself and everything you could ever desire will fall into your lap

bzzz

Mr. Pecksniff · Post by **Mr. Pecksniff** » 20 Jul 2015, 11:40

jam wrote:
frycookofdoom wrote:bee urself and everything you could ever desire will fall into your lap
bzzz

Jam · Post by **Jam** » 20 Jul 2015, 11:43

goldenicon wrote:The girl obviously liked u if u were messaging for so long. She would of just been shocked tht you professed your love in such a reckless way. Women often use their is ignorance as a weapon to torture us, she most likely will wait until you stop trying to apologise and giving her attention and then will message you. The quicker you stop messaging her the most likely she will message you quicker and you will also come across as if you have your own life and not a needy nerd virgin.

This does not demonstrate enough commitment. A committed man should go over to her house and tell her they they''re getting married. Maybe yell it through the mail slot if she won''t open the door (playing hard to get). Other good ideas are to cut off all your hair, stuff it in an envelope and mail it to her. Put the return address as "My Heart" for bonus points. You can also mail your pinky finger because who needs it right?

ESOC

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