ESOCommunity

Posted: **15 Sep 2015, 21:17**

Ok this is my story...
Im a only child like my whole life and I was always lonely my parents were working I come back from school and the house is empty..
Im bad at social conversations I get easy nervous and shy... I always feel Im unwanted ..
My life basicly goes trough my pc played wow,lol,diablo,aoe meet alot of people from all wide world that I can't reach but I think they would understand me..
I was bullied alot in school for my speech disability i can't pronounce the words R and L so basicly it was hell I stoped talking because of that...
I always wished for a brother or sister I wanted to know what is the feeling having one I never understood siblings.. Talked with my parents about that and finaly my mom got pregnant..
It was a sister there were some complications they needed to have a operation way to give birth don't know the right words in English..
I was 11 back then but I remember everything she was alive only for a few mounths I never really got to see her she was always in different ambulances...
The pain was unimaginable I then learned what does it means having a sibling you get close to them just knowing you have one.. Man is it painfull the reason Im doing this my psychiatrist said to ease the pain you need to let people know of your pain so they can help you heal it..
I always cry when I think of it even right now..
Im 18 now and I don't have really friends I've got one friend who is a only child too and had a rough life we kinda understand each other because of that..
People always say to me god wanted like that but then I think too my self why would god would want to make me feel like this Im alot of emotionaly have social problems and alot of shy, is this what he wanted ??
I miss my sister alot I always think to my self what she might be doing right now..
I always have bad feelings of me going to die suddenly I think I have alot of mental problems there are alot of good people on forums I hope you will understand me..
They say the saddest people smile the brightest.. Thats exactly what I do in life always have a big smile but inside its hell....

P.S. I started to drink alot I think Im killing my self by that I need some help..

Posted: **15 Sep 2015, 21:39**

I'm really sorry about your sister and all you've been suffering your whole life. There is a lot of people like you who tries to forget their problems on the videogames, the Internet, etc. If you are becoming an alcohol addict and you have thoughts about self harm, etc. you should't be looking for the solution here unless your psychiatrist encouraged you to tell us. I think you once mentioned you are an Aspie, many of them (if not all) feel like you. You are 18, that's a tough age too.
Some months ago a guy wrote a thread like this and it ended up the worst way, I remember to feel very upset during some days even when I didn't know him, just because he was a boy who enjoyed this game like me.

Posted: **15 Sep 2015, 22:00**

alejandrote wrote:I''m really sorry about your sister and all you''ve been suffering your whole life. There is a lot of people like you who tries to forget their problems on the videogames, the Internet, etc. If you are becoming an alcohol addict and you have thoughts about self harm, etc. you should''t be looking for the solution here unless your psychiatrist encouraged you to tell us. I think you once mentioned you are an Aspie, many of them (if not all) feel like you. You are 18, that''s a tough age too.
Some months ago a guy wrote a thread like this and it ended up the worst way, I remember to feel very upset during some days even when I didn''t know him, just because he was a boy who enjoyed this game like me.

Thank you for your nice words this really means alot to me..
This world just needs a little mre compasion thats all..

Posted: **15 Sep 2015, 22:25**

Are u a bit spiritual? Then try a family constellation by Bernd Hellinger this might really help u to deal with ur problems. It has helped me a lot getting more self confidend. I mean i am still not but i am going my way to confidence.

Posted: **15 Sep 2015, 22:48**

Not many people have or will ever experience the struggle you have to deal with your entire life so far. Even though the problems I have to solve are somewhat minor in comparison to yours, I would like to give you some advice.
I was a very shy child as well, which made it difficult for me to find friends. It's definately not something you have to be ashamed of since that is a trait a lot of people are suffering from. The only way to overcome it, is to gain self confidence, which may seem kind of hard at first. Every single human being has a certain talent, which makes him or her better at doing specific things than others. And that's what you have to find. What are your strenghts, what are your weaknesses? If you start to realize that by using your talent and abilities, all your weaknesses, including your pronounciation issues, become neglectable, you will automatically gain more self confidence
I actually did the same thing as you do. I played far too many video games, just to avoid thinking about my problems until I finally understood that if I continued that way, I would destroy my life. Addication to video games is a serious issue of the 21st century. Don't use your PC for a while, read a book instead, spend time with your family, travel, go outside, do some sport, just don't waste your time in a fictional world.
The loss of your sister must have been unimaginably painful for you. Nonetheless you have to come to peace with it at some point. But not only you, your entire family has to. Spend time with them, show them that you are there for them, that you three belong together, come what may.
You are 18 now, your entire life lays still in front of you. You dictate your future, no one else does and don't let anyone, especially bullies, make you doubt it! If you ever feel like talking about your problems just message me. Only because you feel lonely, doesn't mean you are alone :-)

Posted: **16 Sep 2015, 00:22**

Gaming is a nice way to escape the stressful world out there occasionally, but you cant flee from your problems forever. Ive had to find that out the hard way myself. In the end, it is important that you also deal with the stuff going on in your life outside of gaming.

If you're nice to people and open up to them, help them out and treat them kindly, theyll do the same to you. Bullying people is something kids do, you're older now and Im sure there are many people out there that will be nice to you and become friends with you if you are nice to them. I can imagine its really hard amd scary to find new friends, but you have to try to overcome the fear. Everyone is afraid of it I think, some just more than others. I was so scared of the first day of college, meeting all these new people, hoping they will like you. But in the end, others will almost always be nice to you if you are nice to them. You dont have to be afraid of your speech, if people are mean to you, just ignore them and find people that wont judge you. Trust me, there are more nice people out there that wont judge you than there are mean people that will judge you.

Its gonna be hard, and it might not work out at first, but I am sure you will eventually meet nice people that care about you if you just keep trying.

On a final note, please dont drink because you are sad. I try to never drink by my own, I try to only drink when Im at a party or something like that. Otherwise, you risk becoming an alcoholic. Have you told your psychiatrist about the drinking yet? I think its good to tell him/her about it, as he/she can help you with it.

PS: what are you doing right now? Are you going to high school or college, or are you working?

Posted: **16 Sep 2015, 00:37**

jerom wrote:Gaming is a nice way to escape the stressful world out there occasionally, but you cant flee from your problems forever. Ive had to find that out the hard way myself. In the end, it is important that you also deal with the stuff going on in your life outside of gaming.

If you''re nice to people and open up to them, help them out and treat them kindly, theyll do the same to you. Bullying people is something kids do, you''re older now and Im sure there are many people out there that will be nice to you and become friends with you if you are nice to them. I can imagine its really hard amd scary to find new friends, but you have to try to overcome the fear. Everyone is afraid of it I think, some just more than others. I was so scared of the first day of college, meeting all these new people, hoping they will like you. But in the end, others will almost always be nice to you if you are nice to them. You dont have to be afraid of your speech, if people are mean to you, just ignore them and find people that wont judge you. Trust me, there are more nice people out there that wont judge you than there are mean people that will judge you.

Its gonna be hard, and it might not work out at first, but I am sure you will eventually meet nice people that care about you if you just keep trying.

On a final note, please dont drink because you are sad. I try to never drink by my own, I try to only drink when Im at a party or something like that. Otherwise, you risk becoming an alcoholic. Have you told your psychiatrist about the drinking yet? I think its good to tell him/her about it, as he/she can help you with it.

PS: what are you doing right now? Are you going to high school or college, or are you working?

Going in a college ...
You aksed what Im doing right now having a beer and listening to music..
Ussualy I do that when Im depressed to eaze the pain...

Posted: **16 Sep 2015, 00:41**

medinos wrote:
jerom wrote:Gaming is a nice way to escape the stressful world out there occasionally, but you cant flee from your problems forever. Ive had to find that out the hard way myself. In the end, it is important that you also deal with the stuff going on in your life outside of gaming.

If youre nice to people and open up to them, help them out and treat them kindly, theyll do the same to you. Bullying people is something kids do, youre older now and Im sure there are many people out there that will be nice to you and become friends with you if you are nice to them. I can imagine its really hard amd scary to find new friends, but you have to try to overcome the fear. Everyone is afraid of it I think, some just more than others. I was so scared of the first day of college, meeting all these new people, hoping they will like you. But in the end, others will almost always be nice to you if you are nice to them. You dont have to be afraid of your speech, if people are mean to you, just ignore them and find people that wont judge you. Trust me, there are more nice people out there that wont judge you than there are mean people that will judge you.

Its gonna be hard, and it might not work out at first, but I am sure you will eventually meet nice people that care about you if you just keep trying.

On a final note, please dont drink because you are sad. I try to never drink by my own, I try to only drink when Im at a party or something like that. Otherwise, you risk becoming an alcoholic. Have you told your psychiatrist about the drinking yet? I think its good to tell him/her about it, as he/she can help you with it.

PS: what are you doing right now? Are you going to high school or college, or are you working?
Going in a college ...
You aksed what Im doing right now having a beer and listening to music..
Ussualy I do that when Im depressed to eaze the pain...

college is a fun place, in my experience there are many nice people out there and almost no bullies. Youll surely get to know many awesome guys.

Posted: **16 Sep 2015, 00:41**

When you get older, people are usually nicer and more understanding. I learned that when I went to college. If you are going to college, be open, there will be people that accept you.

It's like that for most people , at least a little. Some people have cliques and are close minded. The earlier in college age that you are open and meet people, the more friends you will have because eventually everyone gets a core group of friends and get lazy to make new friends.

Posted: **16 Sep 2015, 02:53**

iamsoldier wrote:When you get older, people are usually nicer and more understanding. I learned that when I went to college. If you are going to college, be open, there will be people that accept you.

It''s like that for most people , at least a little. Some people have cliques and are close minded. The earlier in college age that you are open and meet people, the more friends you will have because eventually everyone gets a core group of friends and get lazy to make new friends.

truth ^^^^^^. Talk to the people sitting around you in class. No one will think you''re weird for doin g that and you''ll make friends. In this life, real friends mean everything.

Posted: **16 Sep 2015, 03:11**

Do things that you enjoy too. Like, if you want to meet people that like sports and enjoy drinking/betting, go watch games at bars. But if you like playing board games or playing chess, join those social groups.

Where I live there are lots of groups for sports/hobbies. Check it out and join things that you enjoy and want to do with other people. Don't make friends that do activities you don't enjoy/think are beneficial.

This pretty much convinced me that I need to join a photography club/class or a dodgeball/volleyball team. I'm getting bored of watching sports and getting drunk, that's not how I'm going to meet people/girls. Gotta change it up to meet the type of people you want to.

Posted: **16 Sep 2015, 03:17**

we have tinder now, photography club is old fashion :clint:

Posted: **16 Sep 2015, 03:21**

Losing a sibling is really hard. I lost a sister when I was 9 and a bother when I was 12. My sister lived for almost 3 months and my brother lived less than a week, but in that short time I did get really close to both of them. I guess what I am trying to say is that you are not alone and there are other people who understand some of what you are going through. I can also emphasize with thinking about your lost siblings when you are lonely and feel rejected. For some reason when my girlfriend and I broke up I thought about them that night as much as I thought about my ex-girlfriend. From my personal experience the best thing for healing is forming strong friendships with other people. . .

As for what other people are saying, I agree 100% that it is way easier to make friends in college than it is in high school. I had a couple of friends in high school, but we were never really that close (just hung out and played sports together, but really nothing else). In college, you get to meet so many more people. The best part is, is that once you meet people that you get along with you can room together and do cool things like go on trips and host fun parties.

Keep your chin up because the best days of your life are still ahead of you!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZeTxJWPUrwY

Posted: **16 Sep 2015, 03:26**

benj89 wrote:we have tinder now, photography club is old fashion :clint:

Yup. I don''t want to meet girls that fuck multiple guys each week.

Posted: **16 Sep 2015, 03:44**

In regards to your speak impediment' you can workout to gain confidence just in general. Don't be ashamed of how you speak, be confident and it won't seem as bad, if you show that it bothers you, people will notice that.

And if that's part of you, then that's just you. My brother (gua) used to have one bad where L's were only said as W's, but he got over that, and when i rewatch my streams, even I seem to have one slightly. If you really want to get rid of it, there are speach therapy places that train you out of it.

Confidence , no matter what, is going to be what most determines happiness in your life, it opens opportunities and brings people to you.

Posted: **16 Sep 2015, 04:12**

I'd say that you need to grow up a bit. At age eighteen you are no longer a child but a young adult. It sounds like you spend far too much time behind a computer screen playing games. Now that I'm retired, I have fun playing on and with computers, building them and doing volunteer tech support on the forums but it's not my life. For every hour I spend at a keyboard I still spend five or more outside or in the shop doing real-world things. When I was your age, staying inside and sitting in front of a computer screen would have been the farthest thing from my mind. At eighteen, I'd already worked on farms for four years and was serving in the US Army. Stop drinking and get a job then work hard at it and start getting an education or learn a marketable skill and you won't have so much time to wallow in self pity.

Posted: **16 Sep 2015, 04:13**

It sounds like you might have depression. I recommend seeing a doctor so he can diagnose and find the proper medication for you. Drinking alcohol isn't bad but if you overdo it then you're just exasperating your depression. From my own experience, alcohol is really bad with this condition though.

Posted: **16 Sep 2015, 04:26**

and I totally agree with you on that @iamsoldier
As for OP, I tend to think that when you go through tough times like what you are experiencing, it's important to meditate and rationalize what's happening in your life. Accepting who you are with your strength and your weaknesses, find out what you enjoy doing and how you see yourself spending your time, be open to new experiences, to meeting new people, be open to being judged for who you are, and you should be set for a happy life.
Everyone have had difficult times, and even though each individual has a different approach and tolerance toward each issues he encounters, I've met/heard about people that would consider your rough life as a cherished one, and they accomplished impressive things. In my opinion true success along with self actualization resides in how you managed to overcome the obstacles that you encounter during your life. Take any experience as a benefit, with a life lesson attached to it.
theory isn't always practical, but it's a good foundation in philosophy as well as real life.
also what @metis said, which could be related to one of my favorite quote "il faut cultiver notre jardin" by Voltaire

Posted: **16 Sep 2015, 04:54**

you might want me to take a look at this video, a short story of a french guy who went from a tragedy to a top3 world business school while building life long friendships.
[video src="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6DxBEmZAl4"][/video]

Posted: **16 Sep 2015, 05:12**

Do something so great that people will be begging to know you.

Posted: **16 Sep 2015, 07:44**

metis wrote:I''d say that you need to grow up a bit. At age eighteen you are no longer a child but a young adult. It sounds like you spend far too much time behind a computer screen playing games. Now that I''m retired, I have fun playing on and with computers, building them and doing volunteer tech support on the forums but it''s not my life. For every hour I spend at a keyboard I still spend five or more outside or in the shop doing real-world things. When I was your age, staying inside and sitting in front of a computer screen would have been the farthest thing from my mind. At eighteen, I''d already worked on farms for four years and was serving in the US Army. Stop drinking and get a job then work hard at it and start getting an education or learn a marketable skill and you won''t have so much time to wallow in self pity.

Getting a job at 18 is easier said than done these days lol

Posted: **16 Sep 2015, 11:29**

Watch and you will understand that life is much more than suffer, just don't focus on bad things. Live and have fun. Try to focus on what you like.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IYAWtJXU1To

Posted: **16 Sep 2015, 11:43**

medinos wrote:Ok this is my story...
Im a only child like my whole life and I was always lonely my parents were working I come back from school and the house is empty..
Im bad at social conversations I get easy nervous and shy... I always feel Im unwanted ..
My life basicly goes trough my pc played wow,lol,diablo,aoe meet alot of people from all wide world that I can''t reach but I think they would understand me..
I was bullied alot in school for my speech disability i can''t pronounce the words R and L so basicly it was hell I stoped talking because of that...
I always wished for a brother or sister I wanted to know what is the feeling having one I never understood siblings.. Talked with my parents about that and finaly my mom got pregnant..
It was a sister there were some complications they needed to have a operation way to give birth don''t know the right words in English..
I was 11 back then but I remember everything she was alive only for a few mounths I never really got to see her she was always in different ambulances...
The pain was unimaginable I then learned what does it means having a sibling you get close to them just knowing you have one.. Man is it painfull the reason Im doing this my psychiatrist said to ease the pain you need to let people know of your pain so they can help you heal it..
I always cry when I think of it even right now..
Im 18 now and I don''t have really friends I''ve got one friend who is a only child too and had a rough life we kinda understand each other because of that..
People always say to me god wanted like that but then I think too my self why would god would want to make me feel like this Im alot of emotionaly have social problems and alot of shy, is this what he wanted ??
I miss my sister alot I always think to my self what she might be doing right now..
I always have bad feelings of me going to die suddenly I think I have alot of mental problems there are alot of good people on forums I hope you will understand me..
They say the saddest people smile the brightest.. Thats exactly what I do in life always have a big smile but inside its hell....

P.S. I started to drink alot I think Im killing my self by that I need some help..

oh so you are saying you are another of those keyboard warriors without a girlfriend and without any friends? Sorry but LOL

Posted: **16 Sep 2015, 11:55**

marco1698 wrote:
medinos wrote:Ok this is my story...
Im a only child like my whole life and I was always lonely my parents were working I come back from school and the house is empty..
Im bad at social conversations I get easy nervous and shy... I always feel Im unwanted ..
My life basicly goes trough my pc played wow,lol,diablo,aoe meet alot of people from all wide world that I cant reach but I think they would understand me..
I was bullied alot in school for my speech disability i cant pronounce the words R and L so basicly it was hell I stoped talking because of that...
I always wished for a brother or sister I wanted to know what is the feeling having one I never understood siblings.. Talked with my parents about that and finaly my mom got pregnant..
It was a sister there were some complications they needed to have a operation way to give birth dont know the right words in English..
I was 11 back then but I remember everything she was alive only for a few mounths I never really got to see her she was always in different ambulances...
The pain was unimaginable I then learned what does it means having a sibling you get close to them just knowing you have one.. Man is it painfull the reason Im doing this my psychiatrist said to ease the pain you need to let people know of your pain so they can help you heal it..
I always cry when I think of it even right now..
Im 18 now and I dont have really friends Ive got one friend who is a only child too and had a rough life we kinda understand each other because of that..
People always say to me god wanted like that but then I think too my self why would god would want to make me feel like this Im alot of emotionaly have social problems and alot of shy, is this what he wanted ??
I miss my sister alot I always think to my self what she might be doing right now..
I always have bad feelings of me going to die suddenly I think I have alot of mental problems there are alot of good people on forums I hope you will understand me..
They say the saddest people smile the brightest.. Thats exactly what I do in life always have a big smile but inside its hell....

P.S. I started to drink alot I think Im killing my self by that I need some help..

oh so you are saying you are another of those keyboard warriors without a girlfriend and without any friends? Sorry but LOL

Standard Marco1698. Insult someone and then complain that people do not like you.

Posted: **16 Sep 2015, 12:00**

Fuck you Marco, some weeks ago someone laughed about another person and he ended up committing suicide. Not funny at all you piece of shit.

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