umeu wrote:no, im claiming that there cant be any gratitude expected, period. regardless of the intentions. gratitude is not an obligation.
I dont understand that point. In my book "expecting gratitude" does not equal gratitude being an "obligation".
If person A does something good for person B Id expect person B to be grateful, at least if person B got fulfilled an own wish. (What I mean: Maybe, if A saves B physically from commiting suicide gratitude cant be expected per se. But if A saves B from dying while B didnt want to die, gratitude indeed can be expected imo.)
However, that does neither mean that gratitude is an obligation in the sense that laws are nor does it mean that A did his good deed to B with the aim to have someone else feeling grateful towards himself/herself.
umeu wrote:we do disagree about deeds and intentions though, i for one believe that intentions matter, and that they matter as least as much if not more.
It is ofc ok that we disagree there, especially since I do understand why many people think the way you do.
However, let me give you one last example.
Back in school there was girl in my class who was class representative, later head girl, very dedicated and often organized school intern charity stuff etc.
Now, it was obvious that there was some psychological thing about it for her. She had a very ambitious attitude and the stuff she did clearly fueled some kind of arrogance (not too extreme, rather subtle). While she never was anything even close to an "outsider" many people, even some people that were like "school friends" with her slandered about her behind her back. Nevermind what one does think about slandering in general, it is ok that people did it with her just like with everyone else when it was about her personality. However, since the way she was ofc was connected to all the voluntary stuff she did that got mixed up in the slandering too. And then when I was present I always started to defend that part of her, because I was like "Wtf, if everyone - including me - would be the kind of asshole you consider her to be, the world probably would be a much better place".
I am still convinced that these views are right. Because it is just the same way of public slandering you see for example if people buy "fair trade"-products etc. Certain parts of society then will fall back in a state of accusing attitude claiming that the people who for example buy "fair trade"-products only do that to feel good, are snobs etc.
Again, its ok we disagree there, I know, many people think like you, but I believe alleged "self-interest"-intentions are too often used to downplay good deeds by others so that people dont have to question their own behaviour.