Talkin' EPL 5
Re: Talkin' EPL 5
Thanks for the patience everyone, sorry I couldn't make predictions sooner. If you don't know what I've been doing for the past couple years, I've been busy managing my own business. Currently I am in the business of losing tens of thousands of dollars a month, so that is why I am writing predictions now. I am the world's foremost unbiased predictor, but I can be made to have some biases if anyone would like to donate to my Cashapp. DM me if you are so kind, it would help me afford some cans of tuna this month.
Anyway let's get this show on the road!
Hudson Bay BIGs
The BIGs this year are a team of Deviants and Deplorables, nominally lead by Kaister, but in truth the team is managed by a Shadow Cabal of satanic influences such as Sensei, Badsettler, and the The_Last_Samurai. The first pick in the draft was Mr. Consistent himself minimoult21, who has the most milquetoast record of any player in league history, having 16-16, 11-11, and 7-8 records in the past three iterations of EPL. Ironically, he also was purchased for the same amount of duck coins as he was last season, at 2300 coins. I thought this was a fair estimate at the time, once I remembered how the bidding rules worked. The Cabal then rigged the rest of the auction so that Kaister could pick up a bunch of overlooked players for well-below fair market value, picking up Keturboy, Optimus, and Rohbrot for the teams top- and mid-end slots. I think the constitution of this team looked pretty good at the end of the auction, with some speculative quantities in Shake or a rusty Lukas capping out the slot 5.
Cuirassier Management Co.
CMC this year is headed by Kaiserklein, the second-most accomplished EPL player with the most games won and the highest win percentage over the largest number of games played. Representing the Yang of a perfectly-executed aggressive playstyle, the top-end of his draft was bound to his Yin, JulianK, a player with a demonic defensive playstyle that regularly has Twitch viewers dozing off during livestream broadcasts. He also spent rather big picking up Psionic and Mitoe early in the draft, which at the time felt like a bit of an overpay as the rest of the draft passed by, until close to the very end when he clinched Conquerer and iamturk for next-to-free as the team's bottom-end. While I think this draft is actually quite similar in quality to last year's championship SKG team (considering it literally has three of the same players, Julian, Mitoe, and turk,) it also does rely quite a bit on Psionic performing well at the slot 2-3, and Mitoe, turk, and Conq sufficiently derusting. I tend to be a bit conservative in this scenario, and I think pushing through at the end of the season requires positive morale, which is fortunate because the team has a really good cheerleader in Lionheart.
Somali Kabuli Gaming
I always like Prinz-built rosters because he seems to place emphasis on drafting "welterweight" level players, usually building rosters which have the most upside potential at any slot. Last season, he procured Happycat at a low price in the auction and traded for a prescient Frontline, whose stellar performances at the bottom-end made up for slight underperformances from the roster's strong top-3 contenders in Julian, Mitoe, and iamturk, clinching a Playoffs spot and clinching the Finals too. This year, he was the first to draft a Tier-1 player, picking up Frontline at 3800. He adopted the combo of tabben-Kévin for the core, who played as teammates together last season on CMC where they were actually defeated in the Playoffs by SKG. He then picked up Ezad for a seemingly good price when CMC and MDS were tapped on duck coins. I think the bottom-end of either HawK or Dennis are big question marks for me this season. If I recall, Dennis' last EPL showing was in EPL2 with a losing record. The Shadow Cabal didn't even need to rig anything for Kaister to not bid on HawK. Considering CMC picked up players like Conquerer and iamturk as freebies, I think a touch more patience could've went a long way. Otherwise, I like the rest of the roster.
Mandarin Duck Squad
Let's go gambling!! It seems I am too much of a Boomer to personally know the manager of MDS this season Barron, but I am the perfect amount of Boomer to know that we both enjoy the slots machine. Barron applied a fair portion of his bankroll early in the draft towards Aizamk, and towards SoldieR shortly thereafter. Aiz has comparatively less EPL-playing experience than others, but he's someone who I feel confident can hold well against any Tier-1 player, while having a high upside potential when slotted against mid- and lower-end players with conventional playstyles. I have historically rated SoldieR as wishy-washy and inconsistent, but the fact of the matter is that he blows wishy-washy expectations out of the water and often rolls well against other strong players. Daniel is allegedly rusty as some other players are this year, but he is actually the player with the second-highest winning percentage in EPL history, only very narrowly behind Kaiserklein, so he may often be underrated. I also put a lot of faith in the players from China and was glad to see Warsword selected. I am unfamiliar with Batu, but it seems he has been batting well in the first weeks, so he is also a serendipitous gift. I know some were doubtful of this roster after the auction, but I could see the gleam in it from afar. However, I recognize that saying that now is devalued by the fact that I didn't place my bets early enough.
So it looks like we have a very competitive Week 3 and all teams will need to carefully manage their performances to make it to the Playoffs this year. Unfortunately, I've run out of time this week and am being requisitioned by my debt brokers (the Shadow Cabal) for an indefinite servitude. Please take these humble predictions with no writeup as my final will.
Somali Kabuli Gaming (13) vs Mandarin Duck Squad (12)
Frontline (2) vs Aizamk (3)
Ezad (4) vs Warsword (1)
tabben (3) vs Soldier (2)
Kévin (3) vs Daniel (2)
Dennis234 (1) vs Batu (4)
Cuirassier Management Co. (12) vs Hudson Bay BIGs (13)
JulianK (2) vs Keturboy (3)
Conquerer97 (0) vs Optimus (5) | This prediction revealed itself to me in a dream.
Mitoe (3) vs minimoult21 (2)
Psionic (3) vs Rohbrot (2)
iamturk (4) vs shake2020 (1)
Anyway let's get this show on the road!
Hudson Bay BIGs
The BIGs this year are a team of Deviants and Deplorables, nominally lead by Kaister, but in truth the team is managed by a Shadow Cabal of satanic influences such as Sensei, Badsettler, and the The_Last_Samurai. The first pick in the draft was Mr. Consistent himself minimoult21, who has the most milquetoast record of any player in league history, having 16-16, 11-11, and 7-8 records in the past three iterations of EPL. Ironically, he also was purchased for the same amount of duck coins as he was last season, at 2300 coins. I thought this was a fair estimate at the time, once I remembered how the bidding rules worked. The Cabal then rigged the rest of the auction so that Kaister could pick up a bunch of overlooked players for well-below fair market value, picking up Keturboy, Optimus, and Rohbrot for the teams top- and mid-end slots. I think the constitution of this team looked pretty good at the end of the auction, with some speculative quantities in Shake or a rusty Lukas capping out the slot 5.
Cuirassier Management Co.
CMC this year is headed by Kaiserklein, the second-most accomplished EPL player with the most games won and the highest win percentage over the largest number of games played. Representing the Yang of a perfectly-executed aggressive playstyle, the top-end of his draft was bound to his Yin, JulianK, a player with a demonic defensive playstyle that regularly has Twitch viewers dozing off during livestream broadcasts. He also spent rather big picking up Psionic and Mitoe early in the draft, which at the time felt like a bit of an overpay as the rest of the draft passed by, until close to the very end when he clinched Conquerer and iamturk for next-to-free as the team's bottom-end. While I think this draft is actually quite similar in quality to last year's championship SKG team (considering it literally has three of the same players, Julian, Mitoe, and turk,) it also does rely quite a bit on Psionic performing well at the slot 2-3, and Mitoe, turk, and Conq sufficiently derusting. I tend to be a bit conservative in this scenario, and I think pushing through at the end of the season requires positive morale, which is fortunate because the team has a really good cheerleader in Lionheart.
Somali Kabuli Gaming
I always like Prinz-built rosters because he seems to place emphasis on drafting "welterweight" level players, usually building rosters which have the most upside potential at any slot. Last season, he procured Happycat at a low price in the auction and traded for a prescient Frontline, whose stellar performances at the bottom-end made up for slight underperformances from the roster's strong top-3 contenders in Julian, Mitoe, and iamturk, clinching a Playoffs spot and clinching the Finals too. This year, he was the first to draft a Tier-1 player, picking up Frontline at 3800. He adopted the combo of tabben-Kévin for the core, who played as teammates together last season on CMC where they were actually defeated in the Playoffs by SKG. He then picked up Ezad for a seemingly good price when CMC and MDS were tapped on duck coins. I think the bottom-end of either HawK or Dennis are big question marks for me this season. If I recall, Dennis' last EPL showing was in EPL2 with a losing record. The Shadow Cabal didn't even need to rig anything for Kaister to not bid on HawK. Considering CMC picked up players like Conquerer and iamturk as freebies, I think a touch more patience could've went a long way. Otherwise, I like the rest of the roster.
Mandarin Duck Squad
Let's go gambling!! It seems I am too much of a Boomer to personally know the manager of MDS this season Barron, but I am the perfect amount of Boomer to know that we both enjoy the slots machine. Barron applied a fair portion of his bankroll early in the draft towards Aizamk, and towards SoldieR shortly thereafter. Aiz has comparatively less EPL-playing experience than others, but he's someone who I feel confident can hold well against any Tier-1 player, while having a high upside potential when slotted against mid- and lower-end players with conventional playstyles. I have historically rated SoldieR as wishy-washy and inconsistent, but the fact of the matter is that he blows wishy-washy expectations out of the water and often rolls well against other strong players. Daniel is allegedly rusty as some other players are this year, but he is actually the player with the second-highest winning percentage in EPL history, only very narrowly behind Kaiserklein, so he may often be underrated. I also put a lot of faith in the players from China and was glad to see Warsword selected. I am unfamiliar with Batu, but it seems he has been batting well in the first weeks, so he is also a serendipitous gift. I know some were doubtful of this roster after the auction, but I could see the gleam in it from afar. However, I recognize that saying that now is devalued by the fact that I didn't place my bets early enough.
So it looks like we have a very competitive Week 3 and all teams will need to carefully manage their performances to make it to the Playoffs this year. Unfortunately, I've run out of time this week and am being requisitioned by my debt brokers (the Shadow Cabal) for an indefinite servitude. Please take these humble predictions with no writeup as my final will.
Somali Kabuli Gaming (13) vs Mandarin Duck Squad (12)
Frontline (2) vs Aizamk (3)
Ezad (4) vs Warsword (1)
tabben (3) vs Soldier (2)
Kévin (3) vs Daniel (2)
Dennis234 (1) vs Batu (4)
Cuirassier Management Co. (12) vs Hudson Bay BIGs (13)
JulianK (2) vs Keturboy (3)
Conquerer97 (0) vs Optimus (5) | This prediction revealed itself to me in a dream.
Mitoe (3) vs minimoult21 (2)
Psionic (3) vs Rohbrot (2)
iamturk (4) vs shake2020 (1)
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shake2020aoe - Crossbow
- Posts: 31
- Joined: Jun 30, 2022
- ESO: shake2020
Re: Talkin' EPL 5
impressive getting the mitoe and psionic series spot onCometk wrote: ↑21 Jun 2025, 03:05Thanks for the patience everyone, sorry I couldn't make predictions sooner. If you don't know what I've been doing for the past couple years, I've been busy managing my own business. Currently I am in the business of losing tens of thousands of dollars a month, so that is why I am writing predictions now. I am the world's foremost unbiased predictor, but I can be made to have some biases if anyone would like to donate to my Cashapp. DM me if you are so kind, it would help me afford some cans of tuna this month.
Anyway let's get this show on the road!
Hudson Bay BIGs
The BIGs this year are a team of Deviants and Deplorables, nominally lead by Kaister, but in truth the team is managed by a Shadow Cabal of satanic influences such as Sensei, Badsettler, and the The_Last_Samurai. The first pick in the draft was Mr. Consistent himself minimoult21, who has the most milquetoast record of any player in league history, having 16-16, 11-11, and 7-8 records in the past three iterations of EPL. Ironically, he also was purchased for the same amount of duck coins as he was last season, at 2300 coins. I thought this was a fair estimate at the time, once I remembered how the bidding rules worked. The Cabal then rigged the rest of the auction so that Kaister could pick up a bunch of overlooked players for well-below fair market value, picking up Keturboy, Optimus, and Rohbrot for the teams top- and mid-end slots. I think the constitution of this team looked pretty good at the end of the auction, with some speculative quantities in Shake or a rusty Lukas capping out the slot 5.
Cuirassier Management Co.
CMC this year is headed by Kaiserklein, the second-most accomplished EPL player with the most games won and the highest win percentage over the largest number of games played. Representing the Yang of a perfectly-executed aggressive playstyle, the top-end of his draft was bound to his Yin, JulianK, a player with a demonic defensive playstyle that regularly has Twitch viewers dozing off during livestream broadcasts. He also spent rather big picking up Psionic and Mitoe early in the draft, which at the time felt like a bit of an overpay as the rest of the draft passed by, until close to the very end when he clinched Conquerer and iamturk for next-to-free as the team's bottom-end. While I think this draft is actually quite similar in quality to last year's championship SKG team (considering it literally has three of the same players, Julian, Mitoe, and turk,) it also does rely quite a bit on Psionic performing well at the slot 2-3, and Mitoe, turk, and Conq sufficiently derusting. I tend to be a bit conservative in this scenario, and I think pushing through at the end of the season requires positive morale, which is fortunate because the team has a really good cheerleader in Lionheart.
Somali Kabuli Gaming
I always like Prinz-built rosters because he seems to place emphasis on drafting "welterweight" level players, usually building rosters which have the most upside potential at any slot. Last season, he procured Happycat at a low price in the auction and traded for a prescient Frontline, whose stellar performances at the bottom-end made up for slight underperformances from the roster's strong top-3 contenders in Julian, Mitoe, and iamturk, clinching a Playoffs spot and clinching the Finals too. This year, he was the first to draft a Tier-1 player, picking up Frontline at 3800. He adopted the combo of tabben-Kévin for the core, who played as teammates together last season on CMC where they were actually defeated in the Playoffs by SKG. He then picked up Ezad for a seemingly good price when CMC and MDS were tapped on duck coins. I think the bottom-end of either HawK or Dennis are big question marks for me this season. If I recall, Dennis' last EPL showing was in EPL2 with a losing record. The Shadow Cabal didn't even need to rig anything for Kaister to not bid on HawK. Considering CMC picked up players like Conquerer and iamturk as freebies, I think a touch more patience could've went a long way. Otherwise, I like the rest of the roster.
Mandarin Duck Squad
Let's go gambling!! It seems I am too much of a Boomer to personally know the manager of MDS this season Barron, but I am the perfect amount of Boomer to know that we both enjoy the slots machine. Barron applied a fair portion of his bankroll early in the draft towards Aizamk, and towards SoldieR shortly thereafter. Aiz has comparatively less EPL-playing experience than others, but he's someone who I feel confident can hold well against any Tier-1 player, while having a high upside potential when slotted against mid- and lower-end players with conventional playstyles. I have historically rated SoldieR as wishy-washy and inconsistent, but the fact of the matter is that he blows wishy-washy expectations out of the water and often rolls well against other strong players. Daniel is allegedly rusty as some other players are this year, but he is actually the player with the second-highest winning percentage in EPL history, only very narrowly behind Kaiserklein, so he may often be underrated. I also put a lot of faith in the players from China and was glad to see Warsword selected. I am unfamiliar with Batu, but it seems he has been batting well in the first weeks, so he is also a serendipitous gift. I know some were doubtful of this roster after the auction, but I could see the gleam in it from afar. However, I recognize that saying that now is devalued by the fact that I didn't place my bets early enough.
So it looks like we have a very competitive Week 3 and all teams will need to carefully manage their performances to make it to the Playoffs this year. Unfortunately, I've run out of time this week and am being requisitioned by my debt brokers (the Shadow Cabal) for an indefinite servitude. Please take these humble predictions with no writeup as my final will.
Somali Kabuli Gaming (13) vs Mandarin Duck Squad (12)
Frontline (2) vs Aizamk (3)
Ezad (4) vs Warsword (1)
tabben (3) vs Soldier (2)
Kévin (3) vs Daniel (2)
Dennis234 (1) vs Batu (4)
Cuirassier Management Co. (12) vs Hudson Bay BIGs (13)
JulianK (2) vs Keturboy (3)
Conquerer97 (0) vs Optimus (5) | This prediction revealed itself to me in a dream.
Mitoe (3) vs minimoult21 (2)
Psionic (3) vs Rohbrot (2)
iamturk (4) vs shake2020 (1)
Re: Talkin' EPL 5
cometk is the worlds most unbiased predictor
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shake2020aoe
- Crossbow
- Posts: 31
- Joined: Jun 30, 2022
- ESO: shake2020
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callentournies - Howdah
- Posts: 1820
- Joined: May 6, 2021
- ESO: esuck
Re: Talkin' EPL 5
Talk shit, post predicts
If I were a petal
And plucked, or moth, plucked
From flowers or pollen froth
To wither on a young child’s
Display. Fetch
Me a ribbon, they, all dead
Things scream.
And plucked, or moth, plucked
From flowers or pollen froth
To wither on a young child’s
Display. Fetch
Me a ribbon, they, all dead
Things scream.
Re: Talkin' EPL 5
Shadow Cabal incredibly biased finals predictions:
Opti (4) - Tabben (3)
A close one but Opti magic prevails.
Ketur (5) - N1NA (2)
Ketur is just a very strong player who seems to matchup very well vs. BFL.
Mini (3) - Kevin (4)
Mini looks to get carried again and Kevin's non stop playing of the game translates into a good overal EPL performance.
Rohbrot (3) - Ezodd (4)
Could go either way but I'll give the series win to Ezood who got a more favorable matchup this time around.
Lukas (4) - Dennis (3)
Another series that I could see going 4-3 either way.
Close one with the Bigs taking it 19 - 16.
Opti (4) - Tabben (3)
A close one but Opti magic prevails.
Ketur (5) - N1NA (2)
Ketur is just a very strong player who seems to matchup very well vs. BFL.
Mini (3) - Kevin (4)
Mini looks to get carried again and Kevin's non stop playing of the game translates into a good overal EPL performance.
Rohbrot (3) - Ezodd (4)
Could go either way but I'll give the series win to Ezood who got a more favorable matchup this time around.
Lukas (4) - Dennis (3)
Another series that I could see going 4-3 either way.
Close one with the Bigs taking it 19 - 16.
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dicktator_ - Howdah
- Posts: 1595
- Joined: Nov 14, 2015
- ESO: Conquerer999
Re: Talkin' EPL 5
Opti 5 - 2 tabben
I’m biased here since I just fought Opti last week and felt how strong he is (I’m definitely not going to make any crazy pairing suggestions in future EPLs, too stressful), but to be fair he also 4-1’d Ezad, and one of those games was with fucking INDIA VS ETHIOPIA. But I do think tabben will put up a good fight. Close, fun, back-and-forth games, but a fairly one-sided result.
Ketur 6 - 1 Frontline
Frontline is an amazing player. But in my opinion, Julian, keturboy, hazza, and Phoenix are in a tier of their own right now. Ketur has also shown that he is willing to pick lame civs, having played USA and Italy. Usually there is a trade off between having very strong and crisp mechanics and knowing the lame civs well and having good builds with them (high mechanics players generally preferring to avoid lame civs) but right now ketur has both. Anyone except for those 4 players I mentioned above would struggle very, very hard.
Mini 3 - Kevin 4
I noticed that the majority of mini’s EPL results are either 3-2 or 2-3, so I’m expecting this to be match point as well. I give kevin the edge because hes been playing a lot and is in good form right now, having 3-2’d Dan.
Ezad 5 - 2 Rohbrot
Biggest opportunity for SKG to get big points since Ezad, who was slot 2 in previous weeks, is fighting their slot 3/4. Rohbrot is not to be underestimated but I think Ezad will deliver. He fought rohbrot in a bo9 finals, so he has a lot of experience against him, and he has 15 of Rohbrot’s EPL games to look at.
Lukas 5 - 2 Dennis
Gotta go with Lukas here. Prinz kind of neglected his slot 5 a bit in favor of an extremely strong and well rounded slot 1-4, and I think that this will end up sealing the victory for BIGs
I’m biased here since I just fought Opti last week and felt how strong he is (I’m definitely not going to make any crazy pairing suggestions in future EPLs, too stressful), but to be fair he also 4-1’d Ezad, and one of those games was with fucking INDIA VS ETHIOPIA. But I do think tabben will put up a good fight. Close, fun, back-and-forth games, but a fairly one-sided result.
Ketur 6 - 1 Frontline
Frontline is an amazing player. But in my opinion, Julian, keturboy, hazza, and Phoenix are in a tier of their own right now. Ketur has also shown that he is willing to pick lame civs, having played USA and Italy. Usually there is a trade off between having very strong and crisp mechanics and knowing the lame civs well and having good builds with them (high mechanics players generally preferring to avoid lame civs) but right now ketur has both. Anyone except for those 4 players I mentioned above would struggle very, very hard.
Mini 3 - Kevin 4
I noticed that the majority of mini’s EPL results are either 3-2 or 2-3, so I’m expecting this to be match point as well. I give kevin the edge because hes been playing a lot and is in good form right now, having 3-2’d Dan.
Ezad 5 - 2 Rohbrot
Biggest opportunity for SKG to get big points since Ezad, who was slot 2 in previous weeks, is fighting their slot 3/4. Rohbrot is not to be underestimated but I think Ezad will deliver. He fought rohbrot in a bo9 finals, so he has a lot of experience against him, and he has 15 of Rohbrot’s EPL games to look at.
Lukas 5 - 2 Dennis
Gotta go with Lukas here. Prinz kind of neglected his slot 5 a bit in favor of an extremely strong and well rounded slot 1-4, and I think that this will end up sealing the victory for BIGs
steniothejonjoe wrote:I can micro better than 99% of the player base and that's 100% objective
Re: Talkin' EPL 5
Feels weird not having Mitoe's series decide the Finals tbh ngl
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